Being no more than a sentence,
I've lost my mind,
looking for the perfect paragraph.
Living in a rhyme
which relates so little to past times
of strength or wisdom.
Casually caressing the moment,
I've seen magic and misery.
I'm sure, I don't know even half of that which I speak.
Living so far from home
left little time for repentance over win/lose situations.
In the mystery of my being I find reluctance and hesitations.
In the heat of each moment,
I want to be sure of what I know.
I've been told I choose a hard way to go.
Nancy McEldowney
1975
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
....may you cherish in every part of life.
We are in our Monsoons now, here in the desert.
If you have ever lived in the desert, you understand how it feels.
Just to walk out of the air conditioned spaces, into the out of doors.
The heat is like another door. You do the best you can. I have felt the days where the air is oppressive and the sweat drips from your forehead, down into your eyes. The sting, the blinding pain for a minute there.
It's another day in the desert and I am on my way to work in a home where a 90 year old man lives.
He is such a good sport when it comes to life. Last summer he decided to re-tile his back sun porch. He did it, too.
Looks just great and he just bought the tile and installed it in a beautiful pattern. Did you notice I said he is 90?
I am so often amazed by my elders.
I am so often taught by my elders that life is for living.
Today's client surely lives and he believes he will know when it is the right time to check himself into an extended care facility. That's right.
He is planning on checking himself in. Not waiting to see, but preparing for the inevitable. He knows where he will live and I am certain he is already prepared in his files and records.
Some people have ample common sense, while others, though intelligent, lack the common sense to see the future for the simple details it can be.
Common sense or not, we all have to do the best we can with what we have left to work with, as we age.
Today I am thinking about all the clients I have seen this week, so far.
I am aware that the barometric pressure can make symptoms increase. I am used to the looks on their faces when I arrive and they have been just getting through their days.
The pains increase, the blood pressure fluctuates till they can't stand for very long. The appetite fails and the meds get taken at different times of day so the blood levels vary. Change in weather patterns can really change an elders day.
That can mean recovery time to get back on the right track.
That can sometimes mean the need for EMTs, also.
My elders are patient but just as human as anyone and I find them angry or frustrated, even fearful, so often during the Monsoon season.
I am doing the best that I can, just like them.
We make the best team we can make, together.
Yesterday, I worked for a couple who have really been fighting for their lives.
The husband fought cancer these last few years. I wonder if the radiation was worse than the pain of the cancer. Large panels of skin just burned off of his small back while he went through the courses of radiation. He is so brave.
During this very difficult time, his wife had a heart attack. They have both been smokers all their lives.
He quit but she did not. She still smokes in her bathroom, with the window open.
This year she had a pace maker put into her body and she is not able to have the thing put deep under her skin so it just sticks out from under her skin, below her left shoulder, like an alien bump. That is what she called it, her alien friend.
Sweet sense of humor.
Thing is she is unhappy and so she finds a place to vent when she talks about her weight. She has carried too much weight for years and it has cost her to carry it.
Now that she is unable to eat as much and goes through these times where she is in recovery from some procedure, well, she has dropped her size down to a more manageable weight. I smile when I recall how she complains about how she is wasting away and is too skinny now. She is not too skinny. She still has some weight to lose, if she wants to trim even more. But there she goes, complaining and complaining. I just listen and tell her she is beautiful. I compliment her clothing, her new clothing, since weight loss means "shopping" to most women. This does not phase her as she needs to complain about something.
The reality is she is not feeling better even after all her procedures and times in the hospital. The two of them know how close they are to their ends and they are doing the best they can. Neither wants to go before the other.
The husband was bent forward yesterday, as his back was out and quite painful.
The wife can't stand seeing him in any more pain so she complains about her weight. They don't require a conversation about whether he will heal today or tomorrow.
They just have the now and I am there with them.
We are in agreement, she is looking better with the new outfit from her daughter.
Her daughter has beautiful taste.
We are in agreement, the heat won't last.
We are in agreement, it's a good day.
Sometimes that is all we need to speak of. It is all too real to speak of the pains and treatments.
It is not necessary to suggest cures or thoughts. They know the rules and these days are still precious because their daughter is cooking tonite and it will be a good night.
The title of this post is a wish sent to me from Gurjit, who lives in India.
Sometimes, all I have for my elders is a wish, a prayer.
They are people used to living in the world that they created with the days of their lives.
Days all collected up in the shoebox of their hearts. It is not appropriate for me to intrude when I see the strength waning. When I see the light dimming but not gone.
I am there to help where I can but sometimes help is keeping my grin on and my hands busy. They just want each other now.
From Gurjit:
I pray God heals you from all illness'
and you stand firm and adamant to see this world
from your beautiful eyes.
May you cherish in every part of life,
and God's always there for us.
Well put Gurjit.
Thank you.
Thank you all for taking the time to read my words.
May you cherish,
Nancy McEldowney
If you have ever lived in the desert, you understand how it feels.
Just to walk out of the air conditioned spaces, into the out of doors.
The heat is like another door. You do the best you can. I have felt the days where the air is oppressive and the sweat drips from your forehead, down into your eyes. The sting, the blinding pain for a minute there.
It's another day in the desert and I am on my way to work in a home where a 90 year old man lives.
He is such a good sport when it comes to life. Last summer he decided to re-tile his back sun porch. He did it, too.
Looks just great and he just bought the tile and installed it in a beautiful pattern. Did you notice I said he is 90?
I am so often amazed by my elders.
I am so often taught by my elders that life is for living.
Today's client surely lives and he believes he will know when it is the right time to check himself into an extended care facility. That's right.
He is planning on checking himself in. Not waiting to see, but preparing for the inevitable. He knows where he will live and I am certain he is already prepared in his files and records.
Some people have ample common sense, while others, though intelligent, lack the common sense to see the future for the simple details it can be.
Common sense or not, we all have to do the best we can with what we have left to work with, as we age.
Today I am thinking about all the clients I have seen this week, so far.
I am aware that the barometric pressure can make symptoms increase. I am used to the looks on their faces when I arrive and they have been just getting through their days.
The pains increase, the blood pressure fluctuates till they can't stand for very long. The appetite fails and the meds get taken at different times of day so the blood levels vary. Change in weather patterns can really change an elders day.
That can mean recovery time to get back on the right track.
That can sometimes mean the need for EMTs, also.
My elders are patient but just as human as anyone and I find them angry or frustrated, even fearful, so often during the Monsoon season.
I am doing the best that I can, just like them.
We make the best team we can make, together.
Yesterday, I worked for a couple who have really been fighting for their lives.
The husband fought cancer these last few years. I wonder if the radiation was worse than the pain of the cancer. Large panels of skin just burned off of his small back while he went through the courses of radiation. He is so brave.
During this very difficult time, his wife had a heart attack. They have both been smokers all their lives.
He quit but she did not. She still smokes in her bathroom, with the window open.
This year she had a pace maker put into her body and she is not able to have the thing put deep under her skin so it just sticks out from under her skin, below her left shoulder, like an alien bump. That is what she called it, her alien friend.
Sweet sense of humor.
Thing is she is unhappy and so she finds a place to vent when she talks about her weight. She has carried too much weight for years and it has cost her to carry it.
Now that she is unable to eat as much and goes through these times where she is in recovery from some procedure, well, she has dropped her size down to a more manageable weight. I smile when I recall how she complains about how she is wasting away and is too skinny now. She is not too skinny. She still has some weight to lose, if she wants to trim even more. But there she goes, complaining and complaining. I just listen and tell her she is beautiful. I compliment her clothing, her new clothing, since weight loss means "shopping" to most women. This does not phase her as she needs to complain about something.
The reality is she is not feeling better even after all her procedures and times in the hospital. The two of them know how close they are to their ends and they are doing the best they can. Neither wants to go before the other.
The husband was bent forward yesterday, as his back was out and quite painful.
The wife can't stand seeing him in any more pain so she complains about her weight. They don't require a conversation about whether he will heal today or tomorrow.
They just have the now and I am there with them.
We are in agreement, she is looking better with the new outfit from her daughter.
Her daughter has beautiful taste.
We are in agreement, the heat won't last.
We are in agreement, it's a good day.
Sometimes that is all we need to speak of. It is all too real to speak of the pains and treatments.
It is not necessary to suggest cures or thoughts. They know the rules and these days are still precious because their daughter is cooking tonite and it will be a good night.
The title of this post is a wish sent to me from Gurjit, who lives in India.
Sometimes, all I have for my elders is a wish, a prayer.
They are people used to living in the world that they created with the days of their lives.
Days all collected up in the shoebox of their hearts. It is not appropriate for me to intrude when I see the strength waning. When I see the light dimming but not gone.
I am there to help where I can but sometimes help is keeping my grin on and my hands busy. They just want each other now.
From Gurjit:
I pray God heals you from all illness'
and you stand firm and adamant to see this world
from your beautiful eyes.
May you cherish in every part of life,
and God's always there for us.
Well put Gurjit.
Thank you.
Thank you all for taking the time to read my words.
May you cherish,
Nancy McEldowney
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