Red leather shoes,
little red shoes.
For memory sake,
they are my muse.
Little eyes looking,
little hands to hold.
Red leather shoes,
little red shoes.
Tears in my eyes,
and I am six years old.
Sometimes we wander,
when we really should sit still.
Memories to ponder,
like flowers in a jar, on the sill.
One of these days I will stop this spin.
One of these nights,
these old dreams will finally let me in.
One of these moments I will find my true place.
My heart will know,
will know,
will know the love I feel still,
for those red leather shoes.
Little red shoes to fill.
Nancy McEldowney
2011
Friday, March 29, 2013
Been Too Long
It's time to chat.
Perhaps you remember me.
I started this so long ago.
Today is another new day but for now, I hope to bring back some of the kindness this blog used to provide.
You see I have been displaced by the Machine known as Bank Of America and I am still in process. To that end, life is still worth fighting for and love still surrounds me at every turn.
It is Easter soon and the Spring flowers are wonderful for this Winter heart. So beautiful, they are the gift of the season and here I am in the wonderment of the changing times.
The re-location has caused a few other changes for me.
For one, I found new care for my last clients, as they bid me farewell. I understand that it was not necessary but I felt I had trained them to need me for a decade. The least I could offer, before my exit, would be to interview and train caring people who were like minded and trained appropriately.
After all the chaos and loving hugs goodbye and of course, the U-Haul truck, I moved to my mothers area.
Now, every Monday, life is all about her.
She is over-due, it's true.
The time with her is wonderful and challenging and full of hopes for joyful days and wishes coming true for her sweet self.
The clients I have been honored to work with these past 13 years have taught me so many things.
As I create this situation I am reminded of some of you who have contacted me about your parents.
Parents who loved you, who you cherish.
It is true, things are very different when it is one of your own parents. First couple visits I was aching after.
The reality of where those towers of strength end up is harsh, if it is all you can see.
For me, I see her young, best I can.
I hear her voice singing at the piano. I see the ankles I used to watch as she played and pressed the peddles at the floor. Small knees to look beyond. Quiet me, hoping to go unnoticed so the music would just keep going and going along.
Our personal view of our parents can come from how we began our lives. The good things that we took for granted were still gifts.
We just didn't know it, yet.
Now is truly a gift.
I will stay as long as I am needed.
Simply to maintain quality of life.
We all have parents. We all know this is part of the cycle of life on this Planet. Live your life best you can and then make room for those who came after you.
Some of us are blessed to have time with our loved ones.
I am that very blessed person. Every Monday.....
Still, life asks more than this of me and I intend to share what I know, as always.
A woman spoke with me yesterday about her career in the medical profession. She has opened a business of her own and it would seem she is attempting care of the elders in her community. I was so proud of her courage. She has worked in this arena for 25 years but never a business of her own. Courage and love of life.
She told me that she has her first client.
She would enjoy a chat from time to time. Someone to listen to her talk about how things go. Life is change but so often it really does stay the same, doesn't it.
My last months in my Cottage were filled with training meetings and long chats about what it is to decide to be a care-giver.
I am honored and love to help.
I have also begun a book about this career.
The nuts and bolts of it, you know?
I posted a small tease on my other blog.
Perhaps you will enjoy a taste here, now.
From the first pages of my next book.
More than I published on my other blog, I promise.
Introduction
Today is a new day. Every day is a new day. What isn’t new is that thousands of elders spend their days alone and don’t know how to ask for help.
I have been working in the homes of the elderly for 12 years.
It has been a very good life. This was true even when I was dancing as fast as I could, managing sometimes three homes in one day. I worked that hard because the requests were made and the needs were definite.
It is the non-medical care that we will be discussing in this book.
It is the non-medical care that can support the medical staff who work so hard to keep clients alive and able. I have never been comfortable being seen as an alternative to proper medical care. I am here to give you learned insights into common sense care, help and yes, love.
The fact that I am here at all is a strong testament to a need our Country has. A need for people who will extend a hand to the generation of people who paid taxes, voted, built and maintained the cities and towns that we may sometimes take for granted.
They are still here, just quieter and sometimes lonelier than we often understand.
In truth, many elders only find a friendly face in the offices of the Doctors and medical staff, that they require. Too often, it seems like endless appointments to our elders, but I have seen how they are so grateful for the support.
We are busy with our lives and our issues and our opinions.
They were us once, and we will be them, soon enough.
The first person to trust me with her mother was in her mother’s house every day, at least twice. She was so brave to take a chance on me since every care-giver before me, had been kicked out after the very first day. This woman was still hoping for the help with the daily routines her mother required. And then there was the cleaning which was over due. Only so many hours in a day.
My first client was 90 and her name was Marjorie.
She was unique, to say the least. Though she was hard headed and independent, it also took her 10 minutes to walk, with her walker, down her hall from her bedroom to her kitchen. Marjorie’s daughter told me she felt I was a natural fit and though I was new at this, I fell in love with her mother and stayed for all those chats, around her kitchen table. Old cookies, bad coffee and the faint aroma of her cat. It was old, too, and it had a difficult time holding it’s food down. Marjorie understood this kind of challenge so it was no problem for her.
It is easier to get used to suffering that kind of sweet love when you are aware that this someone is merely fighting for their independence.
You find where you fit and you learn to listen. At least you learn, if you wish to do this well.
So, how do you find where you fit? Well, while Marjorie made her way up that hallway, I was in her kitchen, scouring her sink and stove and sweeping her floor. If she noticed, she became angry and would tell me not to work so hard. I just thanked her and told her I liked to stay busy and I promised not to move things so she could always find what she was looking for. Even today, I remember her grins at the results of my intrusions and I wish I could get her to do it for me again. Love, that is what comes of patience and respect and simply being useful to someone who needs you, but does not want you.
This book is meant to be a guide and a reference.
It is also intended to help you keep your focus while you make your way through the days that are waiting for you. Sometimes this life can become a burden and it is important to remember who you are and why you are doing this.
Eventually, you may see them to the end of days.
When your client passes away, and this will possibly be your experience, it will affect you deep inside your dear self.
Be strong and know that you are support where you are really needed.
I have learned, it is most appropriate to honor the life and make your best efforts to disconnect from the life situation you are a witness to.
They are us and yes, we will be them.
Be aware of the life they remember. Honor them for the fact that they are still here. If they managed to get this far in their lives, it is appropriate to simply be useful to them. No judgments.
Helping them stay in their homes as independently as they can, for as long as they can. It is an honor. Be grateful and do the job you wish someone would be doing for you, should you find your body letting you down and your family unable to accommodate your aging self. We can find balance in our aging process if we are open to help and support for our physical needs.
We can celebrate the people who came before us and we can be open to the stories and the memories of the loves and the lives that our clients possess, in their dear hearts.
Yes dear, even when they are shouting and afraid. If you are in their home, you are support. Be grateful for the chance to really be useful in this life.
Let’s begin.
That is all for now. ^_^
I hope that you wish for more.
Just to be here is an honor to me.
I will continue to work on this piece of my life till it is done, and then, perhaps you will find it in your hands. Just remember we are the same. You could see yourself when you look into my eyes.
I am sure I would see my own self in yours.
The gift of choosing to care for anyone elevates the quality of your life.
That truth is unchanging.
For now, just hope to be useful every day of your life.
Celebrate the chance to live.
Cherish the time you can make with your parents.
When this is real for you, make the time to be present.
Make the choice to be good for something.
When you are able to be useful to your loved ones,
it is also a gift to yourself.
Till next time,
love the Springtime, if it is Springtime where you are.
As for me,
I am wandering the deserts of Arizona.
The Springtime here is magnificent.
Always.
Nancy McEldowney
3/29/13
Perhaps you remember me.
I started this so long ago.
Today is another new day but for now, I hope to bring back some of the kindness this blog used to provide.
You see I have been displaced by the Machine known as Bank Of America and I am still in process. To that end, life is still worth fighting for and love still surrounds me at every turn.
It is Easter soon and the Spring flowers are wonderful for this Winter heart. So beautiful, they are the gift of the season and here I am in the wonderment of the changing times.
The re-location has caused a few other changes for me.
For one, I found new care for my last clients, as they bid me farewell. I understand that it was not necessary but I felt I had trained them to need me for a decade. The least I could offer, before my exit, would be to interview and train caring people who were like minded and trained appropriately.
After all the chaos and loving hugs goodbye and of course, the U-Haul truck, I moved to my mothers area.
Now, every Monday, life is all about her.
She is over-due, it's true.
The time with her is wonderful and challenging and full of hopes for joyful days and wishes coming true for her sweet self.
The clients I have been honored to work with these past 13 years have taught me so many things.
As I create this situation I am reminded of some of you who have contacted me about your parents.
Parents who loved you, who you cherish.
It is true, things are very different when it is one of your own parents. First couple visits I was aching after.
The reality of where those towers of strength end up is harsh, if it is all you can see.
For me, I see her young, best I can.
I hear her voice singing at the piano. I see the ankles I used to watch as she played and pressed the peddles at the floor. Small knees to look beyond. Quiet me, hoping to go unnoticed so the music would just keep going and going along.
Our personal view of our parents can come from how we began our lives. The good things that we took for granted were still gifts.
We just didn't know it, yet.
Now is truly a gift.
I will stay as long as I am needed.
Simply to maintain quality of life.
We all have parents. We all know this is part of the cycle of life on this Planet. Live your life best you can and then make room for those who came after you.
Some of us are blessed to have time with our loved ones.
I am that very blessed person. Every Monday.....
Still, life asks more than this of me and I intend to share what I know, as always.
A woman spoke with me yesterday about her career in the medical profession. She has opened a business of her own and it would seem she is attempting care of the elders in her community. I was so proud of her courage. She has worked in this arena for 25 years but never a business of her own. Courage and love of life.
She told me that she has her first client.
She would enjoy a chat from time to time. Someone to listen to her talk about how things go. Life is change but so often it really does stay the same, doesn't it.
My last months in my Cottage were filled with training meetings and long chats about what it is to decide to be a care-giver.
I am honored and love to help.
I have also begun a book about this career.
The nuts and bolts of it, you know?
I posted a small tease on my other blog.
Perhaps you will enjoy a taste here, now.
From the first pages of my next book.
More than I published on my other blog, I promise.
Introduction
Today is a new day. Every day is a new day. What isn’t new is that thousands of elders spend their days alone and don’t know how to ask for help.
I have been working in the homes of the elderly for 12 years.
It has been a very good life. This was true even when I was dancing as fast as I could, managing sometimes three homes in one day. I worked that hard because the requests were made and the needs were definite.
It is the non-medical care that we will be discussing in this book.
It is the non-medical care that can support the medical staff who work so hard to keep clients alive and able. I have never been comfortable being seen as an alternative to proper medical care. I am here to give you learned insights into common sense care, help and yes, love.
The fact that I am here at all is a strong testament to a need our Country has. A need for people who will extend a hand to the generation of people who paid taxes, voted, built and maintained the cities and towns that we may sometimes take for granted.
They are still here, just quieter and sometimes lonelier than we often understand.
In truth, many elders only find a friendly face in the offices of the Doctors and medical staff, that they require. Too often, it seems like endless appointments to our elders, but I have seen how they are so grateful for the support.
We are busy with our lives and our issues and our opinions.
They were us once, and we will be them, soon enough.
The first person to trust me with her mother was in her mother’s house every day, at least twice. She was so brave to take a chance on me since every care-giver before me, had been kicked out after the very first day. This woman was still hoping for the help with the daily routines her mother required. And then there was the cleaning which was over due. Only so many hours in a day.
My first client was 90 and her name was Marjorie.
She was unique, to say the least. Though she was hard headed and independent, it also took her 10 minutes to walk, with her walker, down her hall from her bedroom to her kitchen. Marjorie’s daughter told me she felt I was a natural fit and though I was new at this, I fell in love with her mother and stayed for all those chats, around her kitchen table. Old cookies, bad coffee and the faint aroma of her cat. It was old, too, and it had a difficult time holding it’s food down. Marjorie understood this kind of challenge so it was no problem for her.
It is easier to get used to suffering that kind of sweet love when you are aware that this someone is merely fighting for their independence.
You find where you fit and you learn to listen. At least you learn, if you wish to do this well.
So, how do you find where you fit? Well, while Marjorie made her way up that hallway, I was in her kitchen, scouring her sink and stove and sweeping her floor. If she noticed, she became angry and would tell me not to work so hard. I just thanked her and told her I liked to stay busy and I promised not to move things so she could always find what she was looking for. Even today, I remember her grins at the results of my intrusions and I wish I could get her to do it for me again. Love, that is what comes of patience and respect and simply being useful to someone who needs you, but does not want you.
This book is meant to be a guide and a reference.
It is also intended to help you keep your focus while you make your way through the days that are waiting for you. Sometimes this life can become a burden and it is important to remember who you are and why you are doing this.
Eventually, you may see them to the end of days.
When your client passes away, and this will possibly be your experience, it will affect you deep inside your dear self.
Be strong and know that you are support where you are really needed.
I have learned, it is most appropriate to honor the life and make your best efforts to disconnect from the life situation you are a witness to.
They are us and yes, we will be them.
Be aware of the life they remember. Honor them for the fact that they are still here. If they managed to get this far in their lives, it is appropriate to simply be useful to them. No judgments.
Helping them stay in their homes as independently as they can, for as long as they can. It is an honor. Be grateful and do the job you wish someone would be doing for you, should you find your body letting you down and your family unable to accommodate your aging self. We can find balance in our aging process if we are open to help and support for our physical needs.
We can celebrate the people who came before us and we can be open to the stories and the memories of the loves and the lives that our clients possess, in their dear hearts.
Yes dear, even when they are shouting and afraid. If you are in their home, you are support. Be grateful for the chance to really be useful in this life.
Let’s begin.
That is all for now. ^_^
I hope that you wish for more.
Just to be here is an honor to me.
I will continue to work on this piece of my life till it is done, and then, perhaps you will find it in your hands. Just remember we are the same. You could see yourself when you look into my eyes.
I am sure I would see my own self in yours.
The gift of choosing to care for anyone elevates the quality of your life.
That truth is unchanging.
For now, just hope to be useful every day of your life.
Celebrate the chance to live.
Cherish the time you can make with your parents.
When this is real for you, make the time to be present.
Make the choice to be good for something.
When you are able to be useful to your loved ones,
it is also a gift to yourself.
Till next time,
love the Springtime, if it is Springtime where you are.
As for me,
I am wandering the deserts of Arizona.
The Springtime here is magnificent.
Always.
Nancy McEldowney
3/29/13
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