Honesty and honor,
sound so much the same.
Something like a truth.
A feeling to explain.
Days get so mixed up.
Night comes without a word.
She was always singing,
I don't think you ever heard.
Oh,
she is a strange man's complicated daughter.
A strange man's insincere laugh.
She is a strange man's daughter,
caught now on her own path.
A strange man's complicated daughter.
No tomorrow in his past.
She can laugh so loud.
But she'll cry when she's proud.
She can take a challenge,
even if you get too loud.
Beautiful music makes her face
pour like rain.
The beats and the tones are the
spark to her flame.
Honesty and honor,
sound so much the same.
She fights for her own honor,
but honestly,
she doesn't want to explain.
Yes,
she is a strange man's daughter.
A strange man's daughter,
watch her high wire act.
This strange man's complicated daughter.
Wait, what insincere laugh?
A strange man's complicated daughter.
No tomorrow in his past.
Look for her.
Laugh with her,
fall on the floor and roll.
Dance with her.
Look for those eyes.
Let her feel your peace.
Be her surprise because.....
She is a strange man's daughter.
She may have been his insincere laugh.
She is a strange man's daughter,
caught on her own path.
A strange man's complicated daughter.
A strange man's complicated daughter.
She is a strange man's complicated daughter.
No tomorrow in his past.
Nancy McEldowney
May 2012
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Oh, The Color....Magnificent.
Hello.
These changes to Google are somewhat challenging at times but I have managed to find you, so let's chat.
Today is another new day and I have just now come from a fresh sunrise to celebrate. Oh, the color was magnificent, I can tell you. It is a gift I have been giving myself these past months. A gift to feel and possibly resonate, as I begin each day, here in this little town.
If you follow my writing, you may understand the choices I have been making and the changes that I am creating for myself and my pets.
Luna, my dog who has been happily trained as my cohort in the care of our elders, is loving her pre-sunrise walks. Oh, and also her cookies from the front porch, as the lights turn on around her. She just stares from tree to tree as she can see the leaves and birds again, after the dark was just around her but now simply isn't.
Then, there is our sweet Mo. She is more for Luna as animal company than she is for me. She is a complicated white rescue who owns her domain with fading golden eyes and white fir, like brand new snow.
She doesn't fight so well though her claws are razor sharp. Her problem isn't how sweet and child-like she is, it is her difficulty with eyes that just don't see as well as you might think. We get along but she is independent and wishes to be out of doors as often as she can be. It is tough to be such a sweetheart when Ferrel cats seem to wander up from the desert so often for scraps left behind along alley-ways.
We are in the process of re-locating and building a new life. Our home is another casualty of the Banking catastrophe in this Country. There is no need to explain further. I have protected myself as best as my attorneys were able to help me, and I have created safety for us in our future. It is a process and nothing more. Life is worth fighting for and though I may seem to have been fighting harder than perhaps I would deserve, it is not about what I deserve, but simply what I wish for. I wish for joy.
I will continue to have joy, where ever I choose to live my life.
Enough of how I am doing, let's consider another person today.
Let's consider how life works sometimes and how we can continue to make our choices, even when we pretend to look away.
For these last weeks I have been busy in a, Life Coaching, effort that is aimed at helping a gentleman get himself through a "Substance Abuse" course. He is required to get through this course by the Court that found him unusually affected by something unexplainable, after he was caught speeding on a highway.
This man is a recovering Alcoholic. Which is to say, he used to drink every day and now, does not allow himself a drink, ever. He will always be this Alcoholic man who has given his life to the effort of drinking. He will always resonate the effects Alcohol has on the brain and body, no matter how long he lives. He doesn't understand what the effects have done to him, that he can appear to be altered when he is not. He often, simply lives in his mind and allows for the physical responsibilities he must accommodate.
True, he still finds work and pays for his life as best he can.
True, he is still a good friend to his friends. He is still someone's dad, someone's son, someone's ex-husband. What is also true is that it took an unusual amount of self-abuse to accomplish taking himself down the way he did. An unusual amount of self-deception to defend his actions to himself. Deception so he could leave himself to his self-neglect long enough to find himself in this situation at all.
Enter me.
I am no small effort for him, you can be sure of that. When he becomes frustrated or angry it is my job to help him regain his self control. It is my job to help him understand the words and communicate appropriate words in answer to these triggers, designed to find out how much of his brain he has left. The Court is not in judgement of the man, only the man's ability to drive safely. It is my job to Counsel and nurture this man's efforts along his way, because he is no longer able to see how challenged his choices have left him. He only understands the feelings of frustrations, born of confusion from the effort it is for him now. Days filled with other people who may or may not be altered.
In all his years of practice in the Art of Self-Abuse, he has accomplished believing others judge him as harshly as he judges himself.
It does not serve him but still, it is what he believes is appropriate to believe. This course is teaching him to understand some of the self-deceptions he has nurtured in his life. This course, though harsh sometimes, is a wonderful opportunity to learn what is real. What is not the fantasy his drinking memory has left him with.
Each time we work together it is a four hour effort for both of us to get through. There are eight units, plus a reflection section at the end. As Coach, I must read and often act as wordsmith for him, but he must write the answers. Each time we come together for this effort, I arrange time after, to get through what the triggers do to me, along this path to the clearing of his old scripting. My old scripting finds energy and I find myself learning and clearing along side of him. I am grateful for the personal insights that I discover about my inner dialogues. What I have sometimes allowed myself to say to myself. After all, any person who gives into self-abuse, must create a personal pity party for personal support, along the path of personal destruction. Yes, I said that.
Though I am not in need of the pity-party, I have my own perceptions and triggers in this life. The difference between us as humans is that he allows for self-neglect and self-harms as if they are requirements of his life. I do not. That is to say, I have the ability to perceive what is harming me as something I can maintain a choice about. His personal pity-party helps him see himself as a victim of something larger than he is. Something that controls him and does not allow him enough wiggle room to make changes that would create a better quality of life. The life free of the self-abuse, the self-deception. With each unit, he is coming closer to this understanding. Whether he will make his changes is not for me to discern. It is only my job to give aid to his effort and guidance to his confused and clearly challenged, dear self.
I guess I felt the urge to share this with you because scripting is something we all resonate. But what is meant by personal scripting?
If you consider the home you grew up in, the group of people who were there with you, the community you come from, then you must consider the scripting you were open to. That same scripting you experienced as you grew, as you formed you and your story.
Perhaps scripting is many forms of communicating personal stories to each other. Perhaps scripting is the story we tell ourselves, born from the perceptions we learn to accept, along our way. I don't remember anyone telling me to be gentle as I spoke to myself. I don't remember anyone giving me an awareness of my personal power in this regard. Actually, people were always asking me to speak of my experiences as if the spoken word would remove the memory. I have learned that the spoken word creates the inner scripting and can become something to give life to the inner dialogue. Energy, if you will, that gives power to the lack of silence beneath my surface.
This man is a result of his inner dialogue about his outer world.
When we see each other in a day, it is easier to observe people at face value. Perhaps we encounter conflicts or mis-steps in judgement calls, but do we consider the possible inner dialogue our actions are the result of?
In this world, we are so fortunate to have bodies to work with, lives we are so fortunate to be the story tellers for, scripts we can be the authors of. Ultimately, any interaction is the result of only two actions. Two people, one with perception, the other with intention. It is really that simple. The odds of clear understanding, though very great, are still odds because while one person is busy with one action, the other is working at the other action. The gift is when both actions accommodate each other. Positive results come from the positive intention to communicate well.
In counseling, we are witnesses to the stories of others. Part of our opportunity is to be help to someone who is asking for help. Part of the opportunity is about ourselves and what we consider for our choices, our stories. It is about the story we create, not the story we survive.
Love is necessary in all things and to love oneself is one of our greatest gifts.
This exercise in Coaching is creating a new script for this man.
Often, I have to remind this man that this consequence is about a situation of his own making.
That I was not there when he called attention to himself, in this way. Often, I have to bring his awareness back to the fact that he was arrogant with a man who had a gun on his hip. An officer who had the power to take this man's freedom away. Scripting that does not serve this man, gives him permission to lie to himself about the trouble he caused himself. I do not judge him, he does. It is, Life Coaching, after all, and I am honored to watch this man grow, in my company. I continue to ask this man to view this course as the gift it is. Perhaps, when we complete this course, he will accept the gift his mistake gave to him, as the opportunity it is.
I believe in his ability to love himself in a better way.
I believe that he is growing and that is enough. Enough for now.
As always, I am honored by your interest in my words, my reflections of this life I choose.
As always, I hope for your joy. I hope for your successes in what ever you are working for.
As always, it is all about the love.
Be well and take care of yourselves.
This is a new day. Every day is a new day but today is your next chance at the life you desire.
Love deep, live well and laugh often.
Always.
These changes to Google are somewhat challenging at times but I have managed to find you, so let's chat.
Today is another new day and I have just now come from a fresh sunrise to celebrate. Oh, the color was magnificent, I can tell you. It is a gift I have been giving myself these past months. A gift to feel and possibly resonate, as I begin each day, here in this little town.
If you follow my writing, you may understand the choices I have been making and the changes that I am creating for myself and my pets.
Luna, my dog who has been happily trained as my cohort in the care of our elders, is loving her pre-sunrise walks. Oh, and also her cookies from the front porch, as the lights turn on around her. She just stares from tree to tree as she can see the leaves and birds again, after the dark was just around her but now simply isn't.
Then, there is our sweet Mo. She is more for Luna as animal company than she is for me. She is a complicated white rescue who owns her domain with fading golden eyes and white fir, like brand new snow.
She doesn't fight so well though her claws are razor sharp. Her problem isn't how sweet and child-like she is, it is her difficulty with eyes that just don't see as well as you might think. We get along but she is independent and wishes to be out of doors as often as she can be. It is tough to be such a sweetheart when Ferrel cats seem to wander up from the desert so often for scraps left behind along alley-ways.
We are in the process of re-locating and building a new life. Our home is another casualty of the Banking catastrophe in this Country. There is no need to explain further. I have protected myself as best as my attorneys were able to help me, and I have created safety for us in our future. It is a process and nothing more. Life is worth fighting for and though I may seem to have been fighting harder than perhaps I would deserve, it is not about what I deserve, but simply what I wish for. I wish for joy.
I will continue to have joy, where ever I choose to live my life.
Enough of how I am doing, let's consider another person today.
Let's consider how life works sometimes and how we can continue to make our choices, even when we pretend to look away.
For these last weeks I have been busy in a, Life Coaching, effort that is aimed at helping a gentleman get himself through a "Substance Abuse" course. He is required to get through this course by the Court that found him unusually affected by something unexplainable, after he was caught speeding on a highway.
This man is a recovering Alcoholic. Which is to say, he used to drink every day and now, does not allow himself a drink, ever. He will always be this Alcoholic man who has given his life to the effort of drinking. He will always resonate the effects Alcohol has on the brain and body, no matter how long he lives. He doesn't understand what the effects have done to him, that he can appear to be altered when he is not. He often, simply lives in his mind and allows for the physical responsibilities he must accommodate.
True, he still finds work and pays for his life as best he can.
True, he is still a good friend to his friends. He is still someone's dad, someone's son, someone's ex-husband. What is also true is that it took an unusual amount of self-abuse to accomplish taking himself down the way he did. An unusual amount of self-deception to defend his actions to himself. Deception so he could leave himself to his self-neglect long enough to find himself in this situation at all.
Enter me.
I am no small effort for him, you can be sure of that. When he becomes frustrated or angry it is my job to help him regain his self control. It is my job to help him understand the words and communicate appropriate words in answer to these triggers, designed to find out how much of his brain he has left. The Court is not in judgement of the man, only the man's ability to drive safely. It is my job to Counsel and nurture this man's efforts along his way, because he is no longer able to see how challenged his choices have left him. He only understands the feelings of frustrations, born of confusion from the effort it is for him now. Days filled with other people who may or may not be altered.
In all his years of practice in the Art of Self-Abuse, he has accomplished believing others judge him as harshly as he judges himself.
It does not serve him but still, it is what he believes is appropriate to believe. This course is teaching him to understand some of the self-deceptions he has nurtured in his life. This course, though harsh sometimes, is a wonderful opportunity to learn what is real. What is not the fantasy his drinking memory has left him with.
Each time we work together it is a four hour effort for both of us to get through. There are eight units, plus a reflection section at the end. As Coach, I must read and often act as wordsmith for him, but he must write the answers. Each time we come together for this effort, I arrange time after, to get through what the triggers do to me, along this path to the clearing of his old scripting. My old scripting finds energy and I find myself learning and clearing along side of him. I am grateful for the personal insights that I discover about my inner dialogues. What I have sometimes allowed myself to say to myself. After all, any person who gives into self-abuse, must create a personal pity party for personal support, along the path of personal destruction. Yes, I said that.
Though I am not in need of the pity-party, I have my own perceptions and triggers in this life. The difference between us as humans is that he allows for self-neglect and self-harms as if they are requirements of his life. I do not. That is to say, I have the ability to perceive what is harming me as something I can maintain a choice about. His personal pity-party helps him see himself as a victim of something larger than he is. Something that controls him and does not allow him enough wiggle room to make changes that would create a better quality of life. The life free of the self-abuse, the self-deception. With each unit, he is coming closer to this understanding. Whether he will make his changes is not for me to discern. It is only my job to give aid to his effort and guidance to his confused and clearly challenged, dear self.
I guess I felt the urge to share this with you because scripting is something we all resonate. But what is meant by personal scripting?
If you consider the home you grew up in, the group of people who were there with you, the community you come from, then you must consider the scripting you were open to. That same scripting you experienced as you grew, as you formed you and your story.
Perhaps scripting is many forms of communicating personal stories to each other. Perhaps scripting is the story we tell ourselves, born from the perceptions we learn to accept, along our way. I don't remember anyone telling me to be gentle as I spoke to myself. I don't remember anyone giving me an awareness of my personal power in this regard. Actually, people were always asking me to speak of my experiences as if the spoken word would remove the memory. I have learned that the spoken word creates the inner scripting and can become something to give life to the inner dialogue. Energy, if you will, that gives power to the lack of silence beneath my surface.
This man is a result of his inner dialogue about his outer world.
When we see each other in a day, it is easier to observe people at face value. Perhaps we encounter conflicts or mis-steps in judgement calls, but do we consider the possible inner dialogue our actions are the result of?
In this world, we are so fortunate to have bodies to work with, lives we are so fortunate to be the story tellers for, scripts we can be the authors of. Ultimately, any interaction is the result of only two actions. Two people, one with perception, the other with intention. It is really that simple. The odds of clear understanding, though very great, are still odds because while one person is busy with one action, the other is working at the other action. The gift is when both actions accommodate each other. Positive results come from the positive intention to communicate well.
In counseling, we are witnesses to the stories of others. Part of our opportunity is to be help to someone who is asking for help. Part of the opportunity is about ourselves and what we consider for our choices, our stories. It is about the story we create, not the story we survive.
Love is necessary in all things and to love oneself is one of our greatest gifts.
This exercise in Coaching is creating a new script for this man.
Often, I have to remind this man that this consequence is about a situation of his own making.
That I was not there when he called attention to himself, in this way. Often, I have to bring his awareness back to the fact that he was arrogant with a man who had a gun on his hip. An officer who had the power to take this man's freedom away. Scripting that does not serve this man, gives him permission to lie to himself about the trouble he caused himself. I do not judge him, he does. It is, Life Coaching, after all, and I am honored to watch this man grow, in my company. I continue to ask this man to view this course as the gift it is. Perhaps, when we complete this course, he will accept the gift his mistake gave to him, as the opportunity it is.
I believe in his ability to love himself in a better way.
I believe that he is growing and that is enough. Enough for now.
As always, I am honored by your interest in my words, my reflections of this life I choose.
As always, I hope for your joy. I hope for your successes in what ever you are working for.
As always, it is all about the love.
Be well and take care of yourselves.
This is a new day. Every day is a new day but today is your next chance at the life you desire.
Love deep, live well and laugh often.
Always.
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