Something I Have Noticed

It is, it is just something I have noticed. People who find I do Elder-care for employment usually give me the raised eyebrows reaction but soon find nothing to say. It just feels like what I do is not interesting until it is needed. Then, when you have me at your door and my day is at an end, well, then I find the chat. The need and confusion. I don't have a problem with the need I just wish the human community of the United States could get more comfortable with what is obviously future. I feel like if we didn't run so hard away from our elder futures, well, perhaps we might do a better job of it when we get there. People like me might not be needed like we are. People like you might not be so frightened of what you see in your parents faces and lives.
We all start out small. When it's all near done, if we are lucky and have been healthy, we are old and not as strong and just not as capable of caring for ourselves as when we were younger.
Things get muddled in our habits and understandings of our day to day. Eventually, we need help and if we are smart and or lucky, help is there when it is needed.
Today I had a satisfying day with a client and her husband. I was hired by the three daughters who love their mother but it took a year to talk her husband into letting me come once a week. It is not because he is a bad man, it is because he also loves this woman and did not want anyone to get close enough to her to hurt her. Now is a year since the first time I was called to this house and she is a year further into her experience with Alzheimer's. I have only been visiting these past five Mondays. The daughters are beginning to feel better, I can tell. The husband told me today that he and his wife like it when I come by each Monday so I know I am getting this one right. The biggest treat, though, is when the woman turns to me and says that I am a friend of hers. She remembers who I am after only five Mondays. It is good.
So here is where you wonder what it is that I do for these people.
I get there Monday a.m. and get her into the shower. She never wants to but I have been hired to make sure these simple tasks are accomplished. While she is in the shower, I strip the bed and get it all in the washer. Sometimes she has already loaded some, other times I find it in the hamper. She always tells me that I don't need to do it for her but I remind her that I have been hired to do these things and that it is okay to let me. After she is dressed we are off for a "girl" day. A local day spa allows me to wash her hair each Monday and use the dryer to dry her wet head. You got it, she wasn't washing her hair. Ever. We have a pedicure technician there who understands the situation and is willing to work for us every other week. It was becoming an unhealthy situation to leave her toes to fend for themselves so here is another thing that I am paid for, getting the pedicure done every other week. The day spa bills the family once a month and the daughters send an Edible-Arrangment to the spa once a month to show their appreciation. An edible treat for a tip. Nice, isn't it? Once the "girl" time has been accomplished, we set out to drive around town to see the gardens or sometimes we stop at Gramma Daisy's, a local, family run candy and ice-cream shop. Sometimes I take her to a small shop with sweet gifts and purses so she can shop in a small world of soft colors and sweet people. The idea is to give her a repetition that can become a comfort for her as the weeks pass. By noon her husband is waiting at the senior center to have lunch with his lovely wife. It is a very important daily ritual that I try to honor every day. If he can't get to the senior center, I pick up lunch on the way home. As often as I can, I try to clean for them. Cleaning is another thing I get hired for. It is one of my compulsive activities so it works for me. I get paid for something I can't stop myself from doing. My elders love that I can't stop myself. They can't get as far as I can so it is a gift to them once they will let me show them what I can do.
So now you have an idea of what Monday is like. It changes week to week, day to day. I keep a schedule so I have the same homes but the needs can vary from visit to visit. I try to be useful, kind, patient. It isn't as hard for me as it is for the people who love these elders. Our elders used to seem so strong to us while we were children. Then the day comes when we realize the weakness is more real and we find we have to act like the parents to our parents. It is a reality. That is all it is. It is all in the perspective you choose. And it is a choice. That part is up to you.
Keep that sense of humor. Remember the cycle of things and be useful where you can. Your elders have old habits that have nothing to do with you. I try to help them stay in their homes as independently as they can. Just another day.